Saturate Me
by Jake1
Summary: Cole ponders what to do after Phoebe kicks him out of the manor. ["Exit Strategy" speculated missing scene]


A/N: The song, "Saturate Me" belongs to Mandy Moore...um, I don't own these these characters, but I should...and I think that's all to say. Oh, btw, this set in between when the story starts and the end of "Exit Strategy", before Raynor is killed by Cole...:)  
  
Saturate Me  
  
"Save yourself." Phoebe replied angrily, smashing the chalice down at his feet. Cole looked at the wasted liquid sorrowfully. He cast one final glance at her seething face and shimmered out.  
  
He shimmered back in, finding himself him in a desert. He didn't know why he ended up here. He had let his subconscious control his shimmer and had landed here.  
  
"Why do I set myself up for this?" He asked out-loud. "Why couldn't I just kill them all and then regain my humanity back, and that be that."  
  
Because you love Phoebe. came a tantalizing voice.  
  
"Shut up!" he roared. "You are my shadow, and nothing more! I overrule you!"  
  
Oh come on Belthazor. Whatcha gonna do? the shadow taunted. Kill me?  
  
"I could!" Cole swore.  
  
How? You can't stay loyal to good or evil. You just fluctuate between the two. Both sides are convinced you have betrayed them for the other! Kinda ironic for an evil bastard who wanted to be human.  
  
"Shut up! Stop it!" Cole shouted, doing his absolute best to tune out the shadow's words.  
  
The desert I wander lacks in it's mirage  
  
There's no mistaking in the barrage  
  
Of sand and wind that tears my skin (tears my skin)  
  
Leaving what's without exposing what's within  
  
He started walking, thinking about the events that had conspired in the past few moments. "All I've worked for." He mused. "My freedom. My good side. All down the drain." He stopped short in his tracks. "My love."  
  
Why does being human matter so much to you? Why do you crave to shed your demonic shell? the Shadow piped up.  
  
Cole was visibly taken aback. "Why do you care?" he inquired.  
  
There was a pause. Just wondering.  
  
Forsaken, left here  
  
In my barren desolate...  
  
"If you must know...I'm not a power hungry demon. All these years...it's just been a sport. Pure fun," he paused, a faint smile appearing on his once distraught face. "But, I've been doing something for well over a hundred years. I want to do something new. I want to do the things I would if I hadn't been robbed of my humanity." He added, reflecting way back when he had witness his father's murder.  
  
My soul is evaporating  
  
Won't you saturate me, won't you saturate me?  
  
Rain down on me with life  
  
My soul is evaporating  
  
Won't you saturate me, won't you saturate me?  
  
Storm around me, bring the tide  
  
"Then things changed," he continued. "I met Phoebe. How...how could I kill something...someone that I wanted to contribute to my humanity?" There was a long pause, and then Cole chuckled. "Sorry, am I being too mushy?" He chided.  
  
No. came the short, abrupt answer.  
  
"Well. What do you want to do?" Cole asked. He inwardly groaned. *I'm asking my shadow what to do?*  
  
I heard that! the shadow snapped.  
  
"Sorry." Cole apologized, with a lopsided grin.  
  
Just walk. the shadow ordered.  
  
"What's wrong?" Cole inquired, his eyebrows furrowed.  
  
No.  
  
"Liar."  
  
My days stretch long into the heat  
  
As the sun brightens my defeat  
  
My lips are chapped, they're parched and dry (parched and dry)  
  
My thirst it builds, with every day gone by....  
  
"Tell me..." Cole urged.  
  
Why don't we get back to the real issue here. the shadow replied, avoiding Cole's plea.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
Your good/bad issue!  
  
"I don't understand..." Cole started. "I don't understand why I keep being drawn back to the ring of evil."  
  
Because of me. the shadow muttered, letting a frustrated sigh escape him.  
  
"What?" Cole asked, not knowing what was going.  
  
Forsaken, left here  
  
In my barren desolate...  
  
My soul is evaporating  
  
Won't you saturate me, won't you saturate me  
  
Rain down on me with life  
  
My soul is evaporating  
  
Won't you saturate me, won't you saturate me  
  
Storm around me, bring the tide  
  
"Tell me!" Cole said furiously at the shadow's silence.  
  
I'm not your true shadow. Finally came the answer.  
  
"What?!" Cole said, not comprehending fully.  
  
When your mother bought you forth to the Source, he tore your shadow off because it resemble that of goodness. He replaced it with me. Cole could hear the sorrow in the shadow's voice. I've been your evil buffer. The reason you stay evil.  
  
"But you're not evil...you certainly aren't now."  
  
What can I say? Like body, like shadow? the shadow quipped.  
  
The dunes that shift, drift and lift in the wind  
  
Cover up my hope, as I start to give in  
  
To the cracks and creases and the dips in my will  
  
As I am pushed toward the brink, I drink down and swill  
  
Cole exhaled a deep breath.  
  
Are you mad? the shadow tentatively asked.  
  
"A little," Cole responded truthfully. "But, what's past is past." He stood up and adjusted his jacket, and immediately shifted to Belthazor. He could hear the shadow gasp audibly. "But, if you are going to keep dragging me back over to the other side, then why bother?" he asked rhetorically, in his deep gruff voice.  
  
Cole? the shadow fearfully asked.  
  
"Belthazor!" he roared.  
  
The shadow flinched. Belthazor...?  
  
"What?!"  
  
I want you to be good. There was a pause. Belthazor had be evidently taken aback.  
  
"Too bad. Phoebe was the only one who could keep me good." He paused to glare at his shadow. "She doesn't want me anymore. What's done *is* done."  
  
But...but...  
  
"C'mon...I need justice. Raynor's about to die." Belthazor cackled, shimmering away from the desert. The wind picked up as the skies darkened. Tiny particles of sand flew in the air, allowing to be forced away from the ground by the wind. In the distance, thunder boomed and lightning flashed.  
  
My soul is evaporating  
  
Won't you saturate me, won't you saturate me  
  
Rain down on me with life  
  
My soul is evaporating  
  
Won't you saturate me, won't you saturate me  
  
Storm around me, bring the tide  
  
the end 


End file.
